Swallow My Pride
by AMKelley
Summary: Mercy has quite the chem problem. He likes to lace his Med-X with Psycho to give him the ultimate balance he so desperately needs. But, unfortunately, Mercy hasn't got enough caps for a steady supply, which is why he offers favors in return for his fix. *PWP, sexual content, M!LW, drug addiction, withdrawal, oral sex* (Male Lone Wanderer/Leo Stahl)


It started sometime after his father was murdered and the whole Project Purity fiasco and the war. It was during a time when he no longer chose to go by his Christian name and assume a new life, one that didn't include the Brotherhood or the Enclave. He was done fighting over water. He just wanted to forget it ever happened.

This is when he got the bright idea to take a healthy diet of chems to erase those memories.

Mercy is what he went by now and the person he had been before eventually became a myth across the wastes. He walked among people like a ghost, a looming shade of the man he was before everything went to hell. Stories of his exploits, both good and bad, circulated the settlements and it seemed no matter where he went, Mercy ultimately couldn't escape his past. Except, maybe when he took chems.

He's done great things across the Capital Wasteland, saving lives and helping out when he could, but Mercy has also done some unsavory things. The types of things that would earn the respect from Raiders. Mercy wouldn't admit to being proud and even his assistance with Project Purity couldn't scrub the scum from his record.

So, he decides to wallow in self pity instead, hoping one day he'll overdose on accident and leave these wastes behind and maybe, just maybe, he'll make it to where his father is. But today isn't that day and it won't be tomorrow either. Right now, Mercy is only concerned with scoring his next fix so he can rid himself of these thoughts. So he can pretend his own existence.

Eventually, Mercy found his way back to Megaton because there was no where else to go. He settled into the home Lucas Simms offered him after dealing with Mister Burke. No one in town ever bothered him because they figured Mercy was just a distant murmur of the kid who crawled out of the vault. Mercy didn't think anyone knew who he used to be anymore. Besides Moira Brown, maybe.

Mercy didn't have many confidants, except maybe Moira and Gob. They were kind souls who always treated him with respect despite his rather brash behavior whenever he was abusing chems. Moriarty kicked him out on many occasions because he would always make lewd remarks to male patrons. This is when Mercy usually made his way over to the Brass Lantern.

Jenny Stahl and her brothers were relatively tolerable of Mercy, as long as he was able to pay for his drinks there would be no problem. They took business whenever they could but it wasn't desperate in any sense. Moriarty's Saloon made a much more substantial amount of money than the Brass Lantern, which is why Jenny was so lenient. The same could not be said for Andy though.

Andy was quiet and when he did speak it was usually some cynical or passive aggressive remark against Moriarty's Saloon or how he hated the type of person Mercy was. Now, Andy has never used the word but Mercy knows the younger Stahl brother was itching to call him out on being a dirty junkie. Because, by all rights, that's what he was now.

Mercy could always feel Andy's scrutinizing gaze come to rest on him whenever he came around, like he was keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn't steal anything. Mercy may be a junkie and the scum of the Earth, but he would never steal from good people like the Stahl siblings.

There was another Stahl brother who was named Leo and to say he was handsome would be an understatement. Andy was rather cute as well, but barking up that tree would land Mercy on his ass in the dirt indefinitely. Leo was rather kind to him, though, even when Andy tried to separate them from each other. Andy said he didn't want Mercy influencing his brother, but it was ultimately redundant.

Leo naturally took a liking to Mercy despite his character flaws because, like Mercy, Leo was also junkie with a particular poison. Mercy only found this out because he was trying to score chems from Doc Church one day, who denied him his fix. He mentioned Leo having a similar problem to Mercy's because Leo tried the same thing before.

It all became clear after that. Leo expressed interest in Mercy because he was looking for a customer and that's precisely what he found. Leo had a steady supply of chems from an unknown source but Mercy didn't care where he got them as long as it meant he would get his fix. Mercy wouldn't be surprised if Leo got his stash from Doc Hoff every time he rolled into Megaton.

They made an arrangement soon after. Whenever Leo was done with his shift at the Brass Lantern they would sneak off to the Water Treatment Plant when Walter was done working for the day. The place would be all theirs to shoot up to their heart's content, but Leo had made it clear that Mercy would have to pay in anyway he saw fit.

Leo's particular fix was Jet. Leo mentioned before that he only took Jet because it left no marks on him that Jenny and Andy would undoubtedly find. Jenny had no clue but Andy was ever so suspicious of what his brother did after hours, especially with Mercy hanging around him.

Mercy didn't really care for that stuff, though. Buffout was only bearable in small doses but it didn't give Mercy the high he was looking for. Mercy had a much more elegant solution to sate his addiction. Mercy likes to mix it up for the perfect balance, lacing Med-X with the kick of Psycho to keep him centered in his ever shrinking universe.

It was a rather costly addiction but it was the only way Mercy could feel anything anymore. Sometimes he thinks about quitting and reviving the myth of his former life, make his dad proud, but Mercy can't seem to bring himself to do it. It's always just one more fix, one more day and then I'll quit, but these are empty promises.

In fact, he's on his way to see Leo now.

Mercy hasn't had a solid dose in two days and he feels like his skin is freezing even when it's boiling hot to the touch. He idly scratches at the red track marks tarnishing his sickly pale skin as he walks briskly to the Water Treatment Plant. The sun is going down and Leo will definitely be there already, which is good news.

It took Mercy a full two days to muster up the energy to drag his lanky form to see Leo, even though he had no money. He was crashing hard and every step he took rattled his too thin frame with tremors. Mercy looked like death itself but he eventually made it to his and Leo's meeting place at the opposite side of Megaton.

The junkie let himself in, knowing the door would be unlocked, and made his way to the back room. The pipes running through the Water Treatment Plant creaked and groaned as the metal expanded then settled, leaving the noises to carry throughout the pretty vacant complex.

Leo was at the desk he usually sat at, going over some numbers for Jenny and Andy. As Mercy neared he made a small noise to make his presence known, prompting Leo to cast a look over his shoulder. He briefly smiled at Mercy despite his looking sickly and pushed aside his clipboard.

"Haven't seen you in a couple days," Leo observes. "I was afraid you were going straight for a moment."

"That'll be the day," Mercy scoffs, going into a brief coughing fit. "I feel like my insides are on fire. I need some stuff."

"Maybe you should take it easy for a few days," Leo suggests but it only earns him a contemptuous scowl.

"It's been a few days. I'm not here for your pity either," Mercy says frankly, blinking away the dark circles underneath his eyes. "Now give me some."

Leo sighs to himself, giving Mercy a skeptical once over before unlocking the desk and rummaging around for a few shots of Med-X laced with Psycho. This has happened so much that Leo already knows how many shots Mercy wants. He shuts the drawer and locks it up once again before pocketing the key and turning towards Mercy.

Leo holds out the supplies towards Mercy and who is already reaching for them, but pulls his hand away at the last second. Mercy looks at Leo pitifully with his bottom lip pushed out and quivering, like a lost little mole rat.

"You got the caps?" Leo asks, raising one eyebrow in question.

"You know I don't, Leo," Mercy admits, curling his arms around the rough material of his leather armor.

"Then you should know I don't do handouts," Leo points out, taking in the pathetic sight of his friend and fellow junkie. "Even if you are my friend."

Mercy is tall and almost too skinny to be considered healthy, but there's an underlying strength about him. His hair is black and ratted into disorder like he doesn't even give a damn, and maybe he really doesn't. Mercy's eyes are an even darker shade of chocolate, magnified by the circles haloing his eyes. He is beautiful in all of his ill-looking glory.

Mercy bites his lip, almost hard enough to pierce skin, as his brain works at the speed of light to formulate a way of persuading Leo otherwise. Mercy needs it. He knows he does, but he spent all his caps the week prior. He hasn't even been able to buy food for that matter. So, as everything falls down around him, Mercy pulls out the last weapon in his arsenal. He drops to his knees in front of Leo and lays his hands against the other man's thighs.

"What are you doing?" Leo questions, swallowing thickly past the lump forming in the base of his throat.

"Maybe we can reach some sort of an agreement?" Mercy offers, looking up at Leo from under his eyelashes. "I can be a very good sport."

"Mercy..." Leo lightly scolds in a whisper, shaking his head and frowning a little at the man-child tearing himself down to scraps. "This isn't the type of thing you do."

"I ain't got no other currency. All I got is my body," Mercy pleads, running his hands up the length of Leo's thighs and bracketing his aroused groin. "I know you want it and I can make it extra good. Please... I need it..."

"What are you going to do for me?" Leo inquires curiously, letting Mercy rub him through his pants.

"You give me a dose now, and I'll do anything you want," Mercy promises, swallowing his pride.

Leo concedes and hands one of them over, leaving Mercy to snatch it up swiftly. Mercy doesn't hesitate to stick himself with the syringe and injecting the fluid into his bloodstream, moaning as he feels the instant relief spreading throughout his body as he becomes perfectly balanced. He stares up at Leo with dilated pupils and stretches his body seductively.

"So what'll it be?" Mercy presses, itching to get the show on the road. "Pick your poison, darling."

"Your mouth," Leo says simply, reaching out to caress one of Mercy's prominent cheekbones.

Mercy doesn't seem to need any other implication than that and proceeds to undo the front of Leo's pants. His hands fumble lazily, staggering slightly under the influence of his fix, but Leo helps him along by steadying Mercy's hands. Mercy is trembling with nerves that it's ridiculous.

A sigh of relief washes over Leo when his erection finally springs free from his pants and Mercy reaches out to grasp it confidently. His drug-riddled mind is making Mercy much more bold to the point that he doesn't even register what he's doing anymore. But his hands are aware and more than capable of acting on blind ambition.

The Med-X numbs Mercy but the Psycho amplifies his senses in the best way possible, leaving Mercy suspended in equilibrium as he leans forward to take Leo in his mouth. He automatically shuts his eyes and lets his mouth do all the thinking, wrapping his lips tightly around Leo's cock and bobbing his head accordingly.

The hand around the base of Leo's cock limits the amount Mercy takes into his mouth, giving him enough to work with, without choking. He strokes Leo as he sucks languidly along heated flesh, moaning because the high from his fix is hitting him in rolling waves. His mouth is more than plentiful with saliva, so much so that it runs down his chin and over the hand stroking Leo's cock.

Leo doesn't say anything throughout the whole ordeal and Mercy is thankful for that. He doesn't know what he'd do if Leo felt it necessary to talk to him while Mercy sucked him off.

Leo shifts his hips up just marginally, filling Mercy's mouth even more as his grip slips slightly from the build up of saliva. He reaches down and tangles a hand in Mercy's thick black hair, twisting tightly to yield more noises from the sickly man. Mercy whines around his mouthful, though it's muffled, and vibrates along the column of flesh between his reddening lips.

The hand in Mercy's hair helps to guide him in relentless rhythm of up and down as his lips begin to numb. He's going down further and further until Leo's cock hits the edge of his tongue, the weight of it pressing down to make Mercy's gag reflex kick in. Mercy's throat contracts around the girth as it tries to accommodate Leo's cock, choking a little as he does.

Mercy can feel his eyes starting to water from the strain because Leo is willfully holding his head down until he can adjust past his gag reflex. Mercy taps against one of Leo's thighs, begging silently for the other man to let up on the abuse being done to his throat. He pulls off sharply, gasping and coughing for much needed oxygen as his head swims in chems.

He goes to grasp Leo once more but his hands are swatted away as Leo steadies his cock and guides Mercy's mouth back down along the rigid length. And Mercy takes it all in one go. He still chokes ever so slightly, but Mercy is so numb from abuse and chems that it's all second nature by now. Leo groans at the feel of Mercy's throat gripping him the right way.

In the midst of all the groaning from Leo and the wet noises from Mercy's sucking mouth, he has to slow down his brain long enough to reflect on his choice. Mercy isn't particularly proud of himself, but seeing as how it's Leo he's sucking off seems to lighten the blow to his pride. But only just a smidgen.

Still, there's an empty place within Mercy that is disappointed with what he's doing. His father would not be proud, but what else was he supposed to do? There's a hole inside Mercy that can only be filled with whatever chem he can get his hands on and he will do anything to make himself whole again.

Leo lets go of Mercy's hair and permits the man to move on his own accord, taking his time to suck and lick at the tip of Leo's cock. Mercy wraps a hand around him and latches his red lips so he's suckling gently on the head. His hand strokes idly, twisting just at the wrist for that extra stimulation.

Mercy can feel Leo throb incessantly, like a dam about to burst, and he braces himself for what comes next. Mercy swallows his pride as he swallows Leo's release, detaching himself from any further shame he might be feeling as Leo finishes inside his mouth. Leo makes a choked up noise and strokes a thumb over Mercy's pale face, admiring his tragic beauty.

His dose of chems aren't even close to ebbing away and Mercy is thankful for that, because he needs all the numbing he can get in this moment. After everything is finally done, Mercy collects himself and raises up on wobbly legs, praying his doesn't fall over from the headrush he gets. Leo slips him his other doses of his fix and Mercy shuffles away, knowing that their deal is set in stone.

Sometimes he wishes he can scrub away all the bad, like his chems do. But they don't, do they? Not indefinitely at least. Chems create more problems. They don't solve them. It only stifles his troubles for the time being and even then it's sub par at best. Either way, Mercy doesn't look back as he makes his way towards the front door of the Water Treatment Plant on shaken legs so he can wallow in self loathing in peace. Leo doesn't try to stop or console him in anyway. And that's okay.

Mercy didn't come there for pity.


End file.
